in bocca al lupo

It has been too long since my previous post, much has happened to il stanco pepperoni. My Italian vocabulary has increased by 5 words. I am now approximately one month behind starting the study I came here to do. Vending machine sandwiches are a staple of my diet. But I am surviving.

Of course, surviving was meant in a literal and very concrete way.

I turned 28. I can’t recall the last time I received a gift on my birthday. I have become accustomed to receiving facebook messages from friends, which is fine. Who doesn’t love facebook messages? This year a co-worker, Anna, made me a homemade cheesecake. It honestly rivaled The Cheesecake Factory in terms of taste. Amazing. I know what you are asking; what is this girl’s ulterior motive? The answer is simple. It is Anna. If you visited the hospital you would recognize Anna immediately. She’s the pretty girl that talks to you with her eyes closed and a huge smile. Charming is an understatement.

Speaking of cake, I am now able to order food on my own which has been convenient. Except on Sunday…. Sunday is my on-the-brink of starvation day. Everything here closes. You would think I would learn and plan ahead. Nope. No worries, I am like 1/50th Native American so I have uncanny primal instincts. I am not a great hunter, but I usually am able to find some random vending machines throughout the city which keep my energy levels high. As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes I miss fast food.

This is a nice Segway to things I miss.

Taco Bell or Roast beef sandwich from Arbys

Watching television

American Coffee

NOT MY FRIENDS!

Calling Clayton fat (both Clayton Goos and my dad)

My three week old coat not permanently smelling like a fish fart

I do miss owning a television. It would be useless to tell you how empty my heart feels when I wake up and my Playstation 3 lays dormant on my floor like a Durex in BAs nightstand. Similarly, my limited edition Battlefield 3 that I purchased the very day I left the United States is sitting under a pile of papers, pretending to be a good use of $60.

Who are we kidding BA doesn’t have condoms in his nightstand. The guy is immune to disease.

Since my last post I have visited two new cities, Genoa and Turin. I can’t say enough amazing things about Genoa. From the sleazy prostitutes to the luxury yachts that line its harbor, it is a city filled with diversity. Their food was absolutely amazing. If anyone here ever visits Italy, it is a must see. Similarly, Turin is a large city in the west part of the country. It is bordered by the Alps and blanketed by fog in the winter. It has a significant film culture and charm but it is a very large city and difficult to take in all of its sights in a short period of time.

If you are wondering to yourself why I talked about BA and condoms, I am wondering the same thing. Gutter thoughts.

Also, I lied about being part native American. However, my cousin Tina will probably let me know if she reads this.

I would like to thank my friend Cidney for visiting me over Thanksgiving, like he said he would. He said he plans to make another trip in May. Hopefully that time we actually see each other. I can’t imagine how bad Thanksgiving would have been if I were completely alone. Fortunately no worries because Cid said he was coming, so I know he definitely was in Italy. Who would ever say they are visiting and then not? So technically I wasn't "alone" on Thanksgiving.

In Turin I saw a concert for a band from Morgantown, West Virginia. They were totes West Virginians in every way. Got hammered. Good night for me. Probably annoying for my hosts.

I apologize for using the word, totes.

I would like to give a huge shout out to The Informer for not posting a link from his blog to mine like he said he would. I thought daddy stopped drinking? By the way, you can’t exclusively devote your blog to weekly picks. What the hell are you going to talk about when the NFL season is over? Write about your adolescent “relationships” at St. Peters (laughs). Or take pictures of fat people and post them. Or talk about getting de-panted in elementary constantly. I don’t care. Throw me a bone, a te-bowne. Get it? Tim Tebow is the man.

Last, I want to address my buddy Jennifer who became a follower of the blog. I appreciate it, but I think you are the only person who actually follows a blog. Let’s Skype soon JennyFromTheBlock.

The courtyard of a building in Turin which was the country of Italy's first parliament.

A view from the Mole (Maw-lay) building in Turin overlooking what my hosts called hills. They look mountainous to me. OK

Another view from the Mole with the Parlaiment building in the center.

A view of the Mole Tower from the ground.

Overlooking Genova from one of the few city skyscrapers. The dual turrets in the center of the picture are actually part of an ancient wall that surrounded the old city. In front of that and to your right is a small dingy looking building. It is believed that Christopher Columbus was born there.

Pizza de Ferrari in Genoa

An amazing ceiling fresco on Nuova Strada in Genova. This was somebody's home 500+ years ago.

Genova. Nothing special, just like the random castle turret in that line of buildings

A small part of the Genova port

Hertz

Luckie

What it do.

Il Stanco Pepperoni

A short Q&A with Il Stanco Pepperoni

Where are you ISP? Piacenza, Italy

Where is that? Go to google.com and type in Piacenza Italy

How long did it take you to get there? The worst 36 hours of my life.

Did you think your plane was going to crash? Every second, for 34,200 seconds.

Did you get any rest during the travel? After 24 hours on high alert, I took a 30 minute nap next to a hobo at London Heathrow.

What does the wine in Italy taste like? Fermented grapes.

What was the best part of traveling that far alone? It probably occurred at Milan Airport. I couldn’t read any signs. I didn’t know how to ask for help. My phone didn’t work. I was running on fumes. Best 20 minutes of my life.

How can I keep from getting ISP and ICP confused? You can’t. We are both juggalos.

What is your favorite Italian word? Japan. Imagine a Micheal Jackson voice saying Jah-pone-ay!

Il Stanco Pepperoni is back by popular demand. By popular demand I mean two short sentences in The Informer’s blog asking Il Stanco Pepperoni to reintroduce the internet with his nonsense in a blog format.

TSP, why are you stanco? Because everyone here drinks so damn much espresso that it is impossible to sleep. Maybe I shouldn’t drink so much coffee, but I am so stanco and it is so accessible that I must have it to get through the day. It is a vicious circle, similar to the great circle of life that Mufasa taught Simbah in the Lion King. However, my circle doesn’t involve Rafiki diddling Simbah on a perch upon Pride Rock.

Speaking of diddling kids, wtf was going on at Penn State. Glad I don’t have time to follow that story.

Is a stanco pepperoni real? No, it isn’t even written correctly.

I need to clear up a previously stated misconception. I am not actually a juggalo. I firmly believe that the Insane Clown Posse should permanently change their name to The Pooptarts.

What is the best part of Italy? The people. Everyone here that I have met is so remarkably nice that it’s disgusting. I would be homesick already if I weren't surrounded by such amazing, warm, and friendly people.

What is the weirdest part of Italy? The bidet. The bidet is a toilet looking sink with a soft running fountain above it. After you take a poo-cake you lift yourself off of the toilet and move over to the bidet. You spread out over the top of the bidet and lower your ass near the fountain. You put some water on your hand and commence finger to bh action, rubbing vigorously. Afterwards, it is desirable to wash your hands.

What is a pooptart? It is someone that wears clown makeup and didn't graduate high school.

But ISP, how many ICP compact discs do you own? Four, but I was young and stupid when I purchased them.

Didn’t you put all of those ICP CDs on your Ipod before you left for Italy? No comment.

I know what you’re thinking. You are hoping TSP has posted an informational video on the blog on how to use a bidet. Sorry, I don’t roll that way.

Media:

The first picture I took on a street in Piacenza near where I live.

More Piacenza.

A news stand in Piacenza where I can't read the news. This is so exciting.

Piacenza in the evening with the oldest church and campanella in the background.

The view from a friend's apartment in Parma.

A look at Parma near the main church of the city. Also a glimpse of a man apparently gouging a child's eye.

A look across the Parma River which is inhabited with mice like creatures the size of a cat... Or so I was told.

Zoolander sighting.

My persona in Italy.

Sound clip of a lovely girl, Daniella, that I met through a friend at work hopelessly educating me on the history of Parma. My Italian is fluent. Bawnjorno.